debt ceiling increases by president

Reagan:  17 increases, 300% increase, 0.9 to 2.8
Bush 1.0:  6 increase, 150% increase, 2.8 to 4.1
Clinton:  4 increases, 150% increase, 4.1 to 5.95
Bush 2.0:  7 debt increases, 190% increase, 5.95 to 11.3
Obama:  3 debt increases, 126% increase, 11.3 to 14.3

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2011/07/26/raw-data-past-debt-ceiling-increases/

Finding People

Finding People

So, my new years resolution was to find someone from my past and return some possessions to her.

Sounds simple. But it is quite a story, which hasnt quite ended yet.

The beginning (1992-1994):
LONG AGO and, well, right here, I used to live with my girlfriend. We lived together for 3 years at two addresses. When she moved out, I stayed at the final address. Still here.
(this took place long enough ago that the dates are only approximations)

Skip ahead a bit (1999?):
At some point, I was remodeling a closet or three, which required moving everything from A to B and then back again. While doing this, I moved boxes from back corners and high shelves which had inches of dust from having been buried for so long. WAIT, WHAT?  BETH BOOKS? BETH PHOTOS?

Um, why would I have boxes with someone else's name on them?? UhOh.
First box was uninteresting. Old college texts, Ann Rice vampire books, god knows what else. Nothing to see here. I didnt toss the box then, but over the years, the books went away. In the end, they had little or no value.

Second box was a COMPLETELY different story. And I mean COMPLETELY.
Photos.
We forget, living today what that used to mean. But back in 96 (remember when we used to use only two digits for years?? LOL) most people took photos on this really really really really old tech called FILM. If you lost the photos or the negatives (backups!) you were screwed. There was this even stranger TECH called POLAROID. Polaroids didnt even have backups. If you lost them, they were gone forever.

So I opened this large box, Perfecopy paper box, you know, the boxes which have a CASE of copy paper in them? pretty good size. heavy box.

Filled with photos and negatives and more.
What the? How long has this been sitting here?
A quick look confirmed that the photos were NOT MINE. They were Beth's. London, Egypt, Greece, who knows where else. Keepsakes.

In an envelope, Polaroids. From when she was very young. Irreplaceable.

Off all the dick things I have ever done in my life, throwing these out would be wrong. Period.


The Search Begins (1999?):
Fine, so today, everyone KNOWS what you do to find someone. FACEBOOK!!!
But WHAT did you do back in 1999? Can you even remember back that far?
Google? was a baby. the patent for the search was 1998. So while it existed, it was crude.
Netscape? (remember them?!!) started in 1994, so things where still crude in 1999.
Facebook? still 5+ years away
Myspace? 4+ years away
Linkedin?? 5+ years away and no one used it for years

I did what you did back then. I called people I knew that knew her and tried to get a phone number or address.

Complete and Total Failure. Nothing. Nada.
No one had a number or an address. Searches at the time led me nowhere.
So, I quit. The box went back up on a shelf.

Continuing (2000-2012):
About once a year, I would do a search. Searching got a LOT better. New websites like peoplesearch collected strange data and combined it to create people histories.
Oh look, this one looks like Beth. NY, Troy, Texas, Chicago. Oh look, it includes college info and places of work in chicago?! Clearly this is the right Beth.
Sigh. The info got me no where.

(passage of time)

Finally contacted a mutual friend who said "peace corps" and Ukraine.
Hmmmmm more data. Would account for a discontinuity in the address data in the US.
Ooooo look, search found a small reference to her in Ukraine+Peace Corps.
Led nowhere.

(passage of time)

YAY Facebook is HUGE NOW. GOOGLE HAS EVERYTHING.
Crap. None of that helps.
1) Women get married and change their names? Well that makes things much harder.
2) Some people avoiding facebook/public stuff like the plague.

I get it. Esp people who are being stalked or worried about kids or or or or or. But, in the end, there are pros and cons to everything.

So I still dont know her last name, marriage status, not even the state or country she might be living in.

(passage of time)
I would search about once a year.
Some of you KNOW THIS.
Over the years I have slowly reconnected with a couple of people from my past and it has been truly wonderful. Had lunch the other day with my OLDEST friend from highschool. We cried and laughed and it was like we had never been apart.

2013 and Trina:
I decided that this was the year. Period.
My resolution for 2012 had been a 100% success. I decided that THIS years resolution would be to get these photos out of my house. Tossing them out? NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.

More searching led to SD. Yes, South Dakota. Evidently, people live there.
I found a picture on the web, 100% certain it was Beth. Oh look, a linkedin entry, right college, married name. NOTHING ELSE. Fine, Linked email. But at least I was on to something.

Trina
I met Trina through bet, back in the 90s when they both lived in Chicago. She was good friends with Beth, we became friends. They both moved out of Chicago. (which sounds like something CRAZY PEOPLE DO!!! Why would anyone leave Chicago???) Time and distance took the normal tolls.

Trina and I had reconnected on facebook. She was in town recently. We had sushi. MMMMMM
So of course at some point I brought this up. BOOM!
The flood gates open.
1) yes she got married
2) yes she changed her name
3) yes she had kids
4) yes she lives in SD
5) no, I dont think I have a current address or phone number. HAHAHAHA so close!!

At least now, searches were returning real info.
She worked here, she might work here now.
WTF, here is a photo of her kids on cruise in the local paper? Talking about how awesome it is to take a cruise with your family!!

NOW:
I still dont have a current address or phone number or email. UGH
But I do have an email for a possible current work.

TADA
Email to her work. Hopefully they will write back.
Otherwise I am back to cold calls/letters.

The story is NOT over yet, but I am hoping and expecting to be going to the UPS store some day SOON.

There is a lesson which was learned here.
Unless you are hiding from dangerous past, put a tiny STUB out there?
It can have 1 picture, your name, your married name and an email that you never, ever use.
So you can ignore anything and everything that goes to that email.
BUT, someone you REALLY might want to reach you might be able to find you.

People are so strange about privacy. I get it. But a tiny stub with no actual contact info could lead to so much unexpected stuff.

GAH, I would really hate to find out that the reason that she has been so hard to find is that she is in hiding from the Ukrainian mob ;-)

to be concluded once I mail the damn box!!
and it will be my good deed for the year.
I hope I am done soon, so I can go back to being evil.

-Pete

Letter to Denise on the topic of death

sigh

so friday drinks, and food as needed ...

MIKE is insisting that I play squahs, which is fine

which does leave the questions:

when are you getting here?

how driving train? you could borrow the car to help make things easier. plus zip car... blah blah blah

part car by pete's house

meet at the club

if you are early, you can watch some squash or swim or run or or or or drink early

else, we can jsut meet you when you get here

we

me?

Mike? Mike and Wife

Frank?

In the end, I am all yours and you should focus SOLELY on being selfish to YOUR NEEDS.

if the goal is to drink, relax, and be alone with pete to do the drink, weep, drink, weep, repeat, .... perfect

but crazy pete always thinks in options and choices.

what are your thoughts?

I am crazy glad that I am getting to see you.

Tiny pete doesnt want to share you.

big pete wants to surround you with people to show you life

FYI

something for you to toss into the MIX

II need to start planning the pete 49th dinner party

gibsons

and in some insane ways, it WILL be scheduled around your being there. You have totally entered into the pete required friend circle.

I know that you might have to schedule when, so we will figure out what works for you and do it then. Not like I have to go out the day OF my birthday

much rather the friady or satiurday where people have no responsibilities the next day

FREEDOM DAY

I am FREE

no mortgage

no 401k loan

while I might not be happy with the current bonus, it is still big enough and the base is enough.

but that isnt enough ...

but it means that we will have FUN >>>>>>

oooooooo we should look into a thing before or after ward ....

penn and teller were awesome

I wonder what else was/is availbe around that time...

Pete

HEY

there is a never ending question

which has no limit or end

I am here

TALK

ASK

or listen

tell me which you want

there is no basis for limits

if you need to jsut go on and on and on, I am here

if you NEED me to go on and on and on, to distract, well you KNOW that I can do that

ask

there is no question with any limit

I have watched different people with loss

Mitch told me this week that he was at dinner with Tobi'd father when he died // taking to him at dinner, stoke, dead.

the THING that you will learn and lean on in the next 2 years, is, the others.

the others who have been there and done that

your grief is unique, period.

but their stories give you guidance and direction and hope and understanding

Mike's wife Irene, lost her mother recently. Her stories are different. Mike's view is differnt, His parents passed long ago. but his dad lives on!!! Mike owns and wears at LEAST one of his father;s suits!!!! HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT ???

Eric lost his mom last year, so there are all those stories.

my mom 

in the end

you are not alone

while this is new to you

you circle of friends and society, it isnt new at all

it is a very smooth spectrum ..

and you have the BLESSING of having the time to visit and say good bye and reconcile and resolve and finish and start and create the burst

will your father's last thoughts be that he is sad that he is leaving you all behind

or ecstatic that his last months and days were filled with joy, and sadness, but filled. with happy and sad people celebrating his life.

OF ALL the HORRIBLE things that my mother was,

her funeral mass, which she PLANNED to the last degree, was a CELEBRATION of her life.

Most of her wedding party were there?? OR was that the 50th rennewal... blury.

The funeral was a celebration of LIFE not a dirge if death.

The priest told HILARIOUS stories about my crazy mom trying to micro manage EVERYTHING, including what DAY the funeral would be one.

The priest shared this with us. He knew her 10-20? years. (You could hear him say "crazy")

The reading were light and uplifting and not NNNNNNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTROOOOOOOOOOO downers

but on the alter she had baskets

baskets FILLED with annual flowers

snap dragons and zinnias and what not.

little plants to take home to plant in the garden.

I have never seen so MANY HAPPY, sad people.

SO HAPPY they had a flower. so she was dead.

SO HAPPY that could go home and plant it, so she would never see it.

I dont know what would be the same thing for your father, but there is something.

And he will live on in that something. In his grand kids. In how you remember him when he is gone.

wow, this is going on the blog, hope you done mind

learn to not mind

I am here. literally. always

call enough times and I will wake up.

the rest of the time I will jsut be awake

and this all started because SOMETHING in your resume worked for me.

do YOU have the resume that you sent to nielsen??
LOL

You should read this. Really!!

Stumbling on Happiness
This is probably the best book which you have never read. It literally changed my life. As hard as it was, I started actually taking some people's recommendations without over thinking it or just outright rejecting them. No, not you, I will still reject your recommendations ;-)

This book is incredibly fun and easy to read, presents tons of information from tons of studies in very fun and surprising ways.

This doesn't make all recommendations equal, but some people on some topics are perfect and you should just trust them and try what they are suggesting. Like Pete on Restaurants in Chicago.


Summer Knight
Yes, this is book 4 in the series. No, do not start with book one. Book one was his first novel and the writing is terrible. If you like book 4, go back and start with Storm Front.

The series currently has 14 books, the last book, Cold Days, is one of, if not my favorite book of all time. The writing and story amazed me.

The stories take place in Chicago, present day, following Harry Dresden, wizard, PI. The writing improves greatly over the series and has moved (and my friends I make read it) to tears at times. What the hell?!!
The stories vary over the series, from vampires, to werewolves, to Fae, to zombies and ghouls, to pretty much everything super-natural, but they are NOT twilight books.


The Alera Codex
Fantasy. One of my favorite series.

The Last Hawk
Sci-Fi. One of my favorite books.
Role reversed society, which by reversing everything, puts our current societies into glaring light.
The major thread of the story follows a complex game and information exchange. We exchange information in a myriad of ways, the questions we ask expose things about ourselves that others can pick up. An interesting view at fictional way of representing information which will lead you to want to learn this game to see what you could see.
If you liked this, Read Primary Inversion, and then here is a reading list. (Link here)

The Way of Kings , Sanderson (link)
When this is done, it will be the best Fantasy ever written.

Thanks Tery Green for making me READ this, only took how many years??
Mistborn Series is quite good...

Marooned in Realtime
Rainbow's End
Vinge
Vicious dog thing book
Vinge is the best



Hyperion

City and of Stairs


The female brain
The male brain
Written by a female MD ... Amazing data



The Deed of Paksenarrion
Horrible cover, great read


World War Z
Shut up and read this book

Henson vs Ayn Rand

stolen from a shit-hole website which didnt understand that humans need to read what is on the page.

17 April 1976 – The transcript presented here records a conversation between four figures from the broad spectrum of culture: puppeteer Jim Henson; Russian-American writer, philosopher and playwright Ayn Rand; painter Sidney Nolan; and artist and musician Yoko Ono. A few months after the fall of Saigon and the end of the Vietnam War, The Agency’s tests with the ARPANET convened these four individuals, each with a distinct sense of, as well as the potential means for, a competing world-view. These individuals, who cross different hemispheres, were to help with considerations towards the viability of broadly implementing Article 21 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.* Please note that the respective computer terminals for each participant were identified by the names of gods from Roman mythology and have here been changed to reflect the actual names of the participants. The application, still in its early stage of development, had limited syntax capability, thus punctuation was limited to the full stop. Also, the original timestamps for each transmission have been removed for the sake of legibility.

* Article 21 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights: (1) Everyone has the right to take part in the government of his country, directly or through freely chosen representatives. (2) Everyone has the right of equal access to public service in his country. (3) The will of the people shall be the basis of the authority of government; this shall be expressed in periodic and genuine elections which shall be by universal and equal suffrage and shall be held by secret vote or by equivalent free voting procedures.

AYN RAND

Hello this is Ayn Rand.

YOKO ONO

Hello. This is Yoko Ono

SIDNEY NOLAN

Good evening.

JIM HENSON

Hi. Im Jim Henson.

SIDNEY NOLAN

Sidney Nolan

JIM HENSON

I’m a puppeteer.

AYN RAND

As you know I am a philosopher and a novelist.

YOKO ONO

I myself am an artist and musician living now in New York.

SIDNEY NOLAN

I paint.

YOKO ONO

I would love to appear on one of your television programs Mr Henson.

AYN RAND

why?

YOKO ONO

They are very funny and I like how the puppets get on.

JIM HENSON

Thank you its kind of you to say so. Im also a fan of yours and John Lennons music.

SIDNEY NOLAN

Who is your favourite puppet from the line of characters you have created Jim.

YOKO ONO

Thank you. John loves your programmes too.

JIM HENSON

Each character is special for me they represent different aspects of myself. Kermit the frog is perhaps closest to me. An altar ego of sorts.

AYN RAND

What does that say about you.

SIDNEY NOLAN

Big laughs. He is exceptional.

JIM HENSON

I dont know. I don’t think too much about it.

YOKO ONO

My favourite is Big Bird. He is so tall and gentle.

AYN RAND

To be honest I find it to be senseless entertainment. I prefer the celebration of men and what they can achieve.

JIM HENSON

Do you have children Ms Rand.

AYN RAND

What do children have to do with what I prefer.

SIDNEY NOLAN

Entertainment is never senseless its always within the sensible even when its farce.

JIM HENSON

I find that being a parent being close to children has broadened my perspective allowed me to empathize and understand more than I ever did before. I hope that empathy comes through in my senseless entertainment.

SIDNEY NOLAN

I prefer not to celebrate anything or anyone. Celebration is something that should become something that grows from within creation and not something that we take as a goal.

YOKO ONO

I think this is very important. We need also to offer our children a chance.

AYN RAND

A chance for what. If people cannot be proud of what they do and of their achievements what kinds of world are we giving the future generations?

YOKO ONO

Children have a better chance to do these things you mention if they empathise. I think this is Jims point.

AYN RAND

The empathy you point to obviously serves you well. I am happy for your achievement.

JIM HENSON

A chance for peace. Is that right Ms Ono.

AYN RAND

What is the point of this conversation.

SIDNEY NOLAN

What is the point of life we might as well go all the way.

JIM HENSON

I am not a philosopher.

AYN RAND

The point of life is to achieve personal happiness.

SIDNEY NOLAN

Neither am I Jim.

JIM HENSON

How do you do that Ms Rand.

AYN RAND

It does not mean that you cannot think for yourselves.

SIDNEY NOLAN

Happiness can be your personal dictator if you make him your goal in life.

AYN RAND

What other goal would there be other than personal happiness. The happiness of others makes one a slave.

YOKO ONO

What if your own happiness makes others unhappy.

AYN RAND

Your happiness does not preclude that you are not making other people happy. Actually quite the opposite. If everyone works on their success and achievements this will bring the maximum amount of happiness to everyone.

SIDNEY NOLAN

History Ms. Rand dictates many things. We are always inside it and it is always inside us. We cannot escape it in most of our acts of will thoughts and concepts. Struggling with it is a purpose in itself. Happiness or not.

JIM HENSON

If that is a what makes a slave then that is what I am.

SIDNEY NOLAN

I agree with Ms. Rand on her last comment.

AYN RAND

Then your show does not make you happy.

JIM HENSON

It does immensely. But I wonder about this emotion happiness. Is this really the point to life.

AYN RAND

Then good for you. That is the most important aspiration an individual can and should have.

SIDNEY NOLAN

Diderot once said Divide and rule. the maxim is ancient. Its not mine. It was made by a tyrant. I love freedom to unite you is my will. And if I have one wish. Its that everyone make their own.

SIDNEY NOLAN

I dont think so.

JIM HENSON

Ms. Ono what is happiness to you.

SIDNEY NOLAN

Actually I completely disagree.

YOKO ONO

I think it is when we can finally lay aside our conflicts. When we can all participate in society and offer great support to each other

SIDNEY NOLAN

Aspirations are based on the history that controls us and cannot come as a total matter of will.

JIM HENSON

But there is always conflict.

YOKO ONO

But it does not have to be this way. Does your work Mr Henson not try to prove this?

JIM HENSON

No. Conflict is what defines my characters in many ways and how they respond to it.

AYN RAND

Obviously each individual has to deal with specific set of circumstances and limits of their own ability but what is important is that each individual sets their own goals and values and works towards achieving them.

JIM HENSON

Ms. Ono you are too idealistic I think.

AYN RAND

I agree.

SIDNEY NOLAN

I think Ms. Rand is even more idealistic at heart.

JIM HENSON

And sad.

SIDNEY NOLAN

The power of the individual can conquer all. The will as god.

AYN RAND

I am not idealistic at all. It is the opposite of idealism. Each individual acting rationally is in charge of their destiny not of the collective.

AYN RAND

What do you mean by the will of god.

SIDNEY NOLAN

The individuals will as his own personal god. Certainly but we dont live in shoe boxes Ms. Rand. Each action causes a reaction.

YOKO ONO

We all lead our own lives but our emotions and feelings connect us. Where is the belief in emotion.

AYN RAND

I do not disagree with what you say. But I do not understand why refer to a supernatural power to communicate your thought.

YOKO ONO

It is because our cultures have a spirit.

SIDNEY NOLAN

God is an idea in the end. History like I mentioned earlier in our conversation dictates this idea and we are unable to get rid of it even if we get rid of the idea of supernatural almighty power we cannot get rid of its essence which is what I think is omnipresent in your ideas because you seem to be making man into a god.

SIDNEY NOLAN

He is not.

JIM HENSON

The human spirit is so important. This is what can bridge the divide between us.

AYN RAND

I am not making man into God. I am freeing him from god and charging him to take control of his own destiny.

AYN RAND

What do you mean by human spirit.

SIDNEY NOLAN

Have you ever thought of yourself as the Nietzsche of our time Ms. Rand. Positive. A lady. Market oriented. He would be proud of you. The better more pragmatic him.

JIM HENSON

It may be the idea of god whether you believe in a deity or not. That element within us and around us that binds us to each other essentially. We are all human. We all connect I think somehow.

YOKO ONO

Yes and we must all be allowed an equal opportunity to participate in society and offer support to those that cant.

SIDNEY NOLAN

I dont care a lot for this idea of society either actually.

YOKO ONO

But you are part of society are you not. If your art isnt for society who is it for.

AYN RAND

I despise such mysticism. Acting in your own self interest aligns one with other people in a fluid non forced way. One does not need to be a slave to the concept of forced collective in order to achieve happiness across many people.

YOKO ONO

I am surprised to be in such a conversation. It feels like a deliberate test.

SIDNEY NOLAN

The idea of society is a logical predicament in the first place that is why it is so hard to argue for or against it. It just is what it is.

AYN RAND

Public institutions in society should exist only to support the individual not force it into abandoning its own private interest.

SIDNEY NOLAN

I agree Ms. Rand.

AYN RAND

Thank you Sidney.

SIDNEY NOLAN

But not in the total.

JIM HENSON

I think Ms. Rand and my character Oscar the Grouch would have a lot to talk about actually. I am laughing out loud at this idea.

AYN RAND

Why would I want to talk to him. What has he achieved or trying to achieve.

JIM HENSON

He has achieved what I think is the ultimate goal of your way of thinking.

YOKO ONO

But society is what makes our culture and is what makes a people different. I know the US is different to Japan. The US should try to get on with societies it doesnt like. Vietnam was a catastrophe.

JIM HENSON

Isolation. Contempt for others. A hard heart. Yet even he can muster a bit of empathy every now and then.

SIDNEY NOLAN

When Ms. Rands idea of individualism is amplified to the extreme things like Vietnam happen.

AYN RAND

I am not isolated. I have no contempt for others. Millions of people read my books and find my thoughts inspirational. I hardly spend my time on the sidelines in a trash can grumping.

JIM HENSON

Not yet anyway.

AYN RAND

Neither of the ideologies in that war aligns with my vision.

SIDNEY NOLAN

Being independent is not enough in itself.

AYN RAND

How empathetic of you Jim.

JIM HENSON

So what do you make of the war Ms. Rand. Mr. Nolan.

AYN RAND

Both sides in that war were acting against the individual. My disgust of the communist ideology should be known. Unfortunately the United States was fighting a continuation of the war founded in colonialism. We were not able to transmit the glory of self determination. It was a failure.

YOKO ONO

Well, I find this a painful conversation. Ms Rand and Mr Nolan, you have the privilege of philosophizing and meanwhile children are dying of our neglect and greed. I am outraged. Disgusted even. Therefore I must leave.

SIDNEY NOLAN

Its dreadful. And I truly loathe the word glory.

SIDNEY NOLAN

Dont leave Ms. Ono we need your idealism.

YOKO ONO

I am leaving. I have other things to do. Goodbye.

AYN RAND

No we do not. We need to be free from it.

SIDNEY NOLAN

Oh my. Farewell.

JIM HENSON

Idealism is responsible for wars too.

AYN RAND

I agree with you on this Jim.

JIM HENSON

Good bye everyone.

AYN RAND

Goodbye.

SIDNEY NOLAN

I agree Jim. We should work together on a puppet saga about Ned Kelly. Sometime maybe. Who knows.

Two Books and an Email to my friend Denise

The Signal and The Noise
You're Not as Crazy as I Thought (But You're Still Wrong): Conversations between a Die-Hard Liberal and a Devoted Conservative

I finished the signal and the noise. I love the book!!
Bayesian Theorem and Stumbling on Happiness are perfect adjuncts.
One tells you to trust other "good" recommendations, even when your priors might be low.
The other one tells you to NOT SET PRIORS at 0 or 1 FFS YOU MORON!!!!

Ann has recommended at least 1 book which I thought I would not like at all.
My prior was ZERO. After YEARS of yelling at me to read it, I finally did.
It is now one of my top favorite books (in the fantasy genre).

The Game of Thrones (book) was recommended to me by a GREAT source for recommendations. I bought, it sat at home for 5+ years. My prior was ZERO. It was almost impossible for me to collect new data by actually READING THE BOOK. It is now my number 2 series of all time. period. (it was only replaced yesterday, and it could retake the lead if it ends perfectly.)

So signals and noise was great at getting me to think about things SLIGHTLY differently. Setting priors to .01 or .99, instead or 0 and 1!!

So I started reading the new NPR book: You're Not as Crazy as I Thought (But You're Still Wrong): Conversations between a Die-Hard Liberal and a Devoted Conservative (stupid cut and paste)

So my priors are as follows: I thought that the book would be VERY good after listening to the audio segment. - prior - .8
So far, the book has been GREAT.
You can borrow it when I see you next or get it from the library.
 You will enjoy it. (my stumbling/a prior number for YOU is about .9!!!) (Can you tell that I am REALLY enjoying this new game?? Bwahahahahaha)

I have struggled with the idea that it would CHANGE how I could talk to "those" people, I didnt set a prior, but my current prior is .1? So at least it is not zero. While reading, I agree and highly value their thoughts and ideas, I struggle to find where it could ever be used in real life. So many people are stuck in the 0 or 1 space. While it doesnt mean that I have stay there, it makes talking to them such a massive chore.

Liz and Ron My priors of ever wanting to talk to them again: 0.
I am struggling with EVER wanting to increase that number.
After 16+ years of constant, degrading comments, directed at me and everyone who thinks even closely like me, I find that the evidence just kept re-enforcing the probability that they will say something HATEFUL. 

The audio program showed how hard that was to get the sister to even come on the show to talk. LOL
And she was at least willing to TALK, to admit that her sister was a "good" person ...

In the end, I guess that I am going to use my energy that I have in places which have number higher than the current zero, rather than spend energy trying to change the zero to 0.0000001 LOL

Ashley - here is a GREAT place to increase my priors and spend more time and energy.
Health - here is a GREAT place to increase my priors and work harder to find a doctor and a diagnosis!!
Dating - Well certainly once I sleep again, it would be nice to start even pretending to think about that again. It has been close to impossible given that the sleep insanity is back again .... Here is to HOPING that the latest blood tests show SOMETHING. ANYTHING!!! If not, time for more tests and more doctors!!

anyways
WHAT THE FUCK, this got long!!
miss you like crazy
here is to hoping you find a little time in your crazy crazy schedule
:D
xxoo

Print this out. Hand this to GOP voters with children and grandchildren. The fact that this imagine shocks you so much. Brings you to tears. or worse. What kind of world do we want to live in? What kind of world do we want the women in our lives to live in? Why are there 30+ states which still allow rapists to get parental rights to their rape born child? Why does any human support these laws? Why? Jesus Wept