Letter to Denise on the topic of death

sigh

so friday drinks, and food as needed ...

MIKE is insisting that I play squahs, which is fine

which does leave the questions:

when are you getting here?

how driving train? you could borrow the car to help make things easier. plus zip car... blah blah blah

part car by pete's house

meet at the club

if you are early, you can watch some squash or swim or run or or or or drink early

else, we can jsut meet you when you get here

we

me?

Mike? Mike and Wife

Frank?

In the end, I am all yours and you should focus SOLELY on being selfish to YOUR NEEDS.

if the goal is to drink, relax, and be alone with pete to do the drink, weep, drink, weep, repeat, .... perfect

but crazy pete always thinks in options and choices.

what are your thoughts?

I am crazy glad that I am getting to see you.

Tiny pete doesnt want to share you.

big pete wants to surround you with people to show you life

FYI

something for you to toss into the MIX

II need to start planning the pete 49th dinner party

gibsons

and in some insane ways, it WILL be scheduled around your being there. You have totally entered into the pete required friend circle.

I know that you might have to schedule when, so we will figure out what works for you and do it then. Not like I have to go out the day OF my birthday

much rather the friady or satiurday where people have no responsibilities the next day

FREEDOM DAY

I am FREE

no mortgage

no 401k loan

while I might not be happy with the current bonus, it is still big enough and the base is enough.

but that isnt enough ...

but it means that we will have FUN >>>>>>

oooooooo we should look into a thing before or after ward ....

penn and teller were awesome

I wonder what else was/is availbe around that time...

Pete

HEY

there is a never ending question

which has no limit or end

I am here

TALK

ASK

or listen

tell me which you want

there is no basis for limits

if you need to jsut go on and on and on, I am here

if you NEED me to go on and on and on, to distract, well you KNOW that I can do that

ask

there is no question with any limit

I have watched different people with loss

Mitch told me this week that he was at dinner with Tobi'd father when he died // taking to him at dinner, stoke, dead.

the THING that you will learn and lean on in the next 2 years, is, the others.

the others who have been there and done that

your grief is unique, period.

but their stories give you guidance and direction and hope and understanding

Mike's wife Irene, lost her mother recently. Her stories are different. Mike's view is differnt, His parents passed long ago. but his dad lives on!!! Mike owns and wears at LEAST one of his father;s suits!!!! HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT ???

Eric lost his mom last year, so there are all those stories.

my mom 

in the end

you are not alone

while this is new to you

you circle of friends and society, it isnt new at all

it is a very smooth spectrum ..

and you have the BLESSING of having the time to visit and say good bye and reconcile and resolve and finish and start and create the burst

will your father's last thoughts be that he is sad that he is leaving you all behind

or ecstatic that his last months and days were filled with joy, and sadness, but filled. with happy and sad people celebrating his life.

OF ALL the HORRIBLE things that my mother was,

her funeral mass, which she PLANNED to the last degree, was a CELEBRATION of her life.

Most of her wedding party were there?? OR was that the 50th rennewal... blury.

The funeral was a celebration of LIFE not a dirge if death.

The priest told HILARIOUS stories about my crazy mom trying to micro manage EVERYTHING, including what DAY the funeral would be one.

The priest shared this with us. He knew her 10-20? years. (You could hear him say "crazy")

The reading were light and uplifting and not NNNNNNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTROOOOOOOOOOO downers

but on the alter she had baskets

baskets FILLED with annual flowers

snap dragons and zinnias and what not.

little plants to take home to plant in the garden.

I have never seen so MANY HAPPY, sad people.

SO HAPPY they had a flower. so she was dead.

SO HAPPY that could go home and plant it, so she would never see it.

I dont know what would be the same thing for your father, but there is something.

And he will live on in that something. In his grand kids. In how you remember him when he is gone.

wow, this is going on the blog, hope you done mind

learn to not mind

I am here. literally. always

call enough times and I will wake up.

the rest of the time I will jsut be awake

and this all started because SOMETHING in your resume worked for me.

do YOU have the resume that you sent to nielsen??
LOL