Finding People

Finding People

So, my new years resolution was to find someone from my past and return some possessions to her.

Sounds simple. But it is quite a story, which hasnt quite ended yet.

The beginning (1992-1994):
LONG AGO and, well, right here, I used to live with my girlfriend. We lived together for 3 years at two addresses. When she moved out, I stayed at the final address. Still here.
(this took place long enough ago that the dates are only approximations)

Skip ahead a bit (1999?):
At some point, I was remodeling a closet or three, which required moving everything from A to B and then back again. While doing this, I moved boxes from back corners and high shelves which had inches of dust from having been buried for so long. WAIT, WHAT?  BETH BOOKS? BETH PHOTOS?

Um, why would I have boxes with someone else's name on them?? UhOh.
First box was uninteresting. Old college texts, Ann Rice vampire books, god knows what else. Nothing to see here. I didnt toss the box then, but over the years, the books went away. In the end, they had little or no value.

Second box was a COMPLETELY different story. And I mean COMPLETELY.
Photos.
We forget, living today what that used to mean. But back in 96 (remember when we used to use only two digits for years?? LOL) most people took photos on this really really really really old tech called FILM. If you lost the photos or the negatives (backups!) you were screwed. There was this even stranger TECH called POLAROID. Polaroids didnt even have backups. If you lost them, they were gone forever.

So I opened this large box, Perfecopy paper box, you know, the boxes which have a CASE of copy paper in them? pretty good size. heavy box.

Filled with photos and negatives and more.
What the? How long has this been sitting here?
A quick look confirmed that the photos were NOT MINE. They were Beth's. London, Egypt, Greece, who knows where else. Keepsakes.

In an envelope, Polaroids. From when she was very young. Irreplaceable.

Off all the dick things I have ever done in my life, throwing these out would be wrong. Period.


The Search Begins (1999?):
Fine, so today, everyone KNOWS what you do to find someone. FACEBOOK!!!
But WHAT did you do back in 1999? Can you even remember back that far?
Google? was a baby. the patent for the search was 1998. So while it existed, it was crude.
Netscape? (remember them?!!) started in 1994, so things where still crude in 1999.
Facebook? still 5+ years away
Myspace? 4+ years away
Linkedin?? 5+ years away and no one used it for years

I did what you did back then. I called people I knew that knew her and tried to get a phone number or address.

Complete and Total Failure. Nothing. Nada.
No one had a number or an address. Searches at the time led me nowhere.
So, I quit. The box went back up on a shelf.

Continuing (2000-2012):
About once a year, I would do a search. Searching got a LOT better. New websites like peoplesearch collected strange data and combined it to create people histories.
Oh look, this one looks like Beth. NY, Troy, Texas, Chicago. Oh look, it includes college info and places of work in chicago?! Clearly this is the right Beth.
Sigh. The info got me no where.

(passage of time)

Finally contacted a mutual friend who said "peace corps" and Ukraine.
Hmmmmm more data. Would account for a discontinuity in the address data in the US.
Ooooo look, search found a small reference to her in Ukraine+Peace Corps.
Led nowhere.

(passage of time)

YAY Facebook is HUGE NOW. GOOGLE HAS EVERYTHING.
Crap. None of that helps.
1) Women get married and change their names? Well that makes things much harder.
2) Some people avoiding facebook/public stuff like the plague.

I get it. Esp people who are being stalked or worried about kids or or or or or. But, in the end, there are pros and cons to everything.

So I still dont know her last name, marriage status, not even the state or country she might be living in.

(passage of time)
I would search about once a year.
Some of you KNOW THIS.
Over the years I have slowly reconnected with a couple of people from my past and it has been truly wonderful. Had lunch the other day with my OLDEST friend from highschool. We cried and laughed and it was like we had never been apart.

2013 and Trina:
I decided that this was the year. Period.
My resolution for 2012 had been a 100% success. I decided that THIS years resolution would be to get these photos out of my house. Tossing them out? NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.

More searching led to SD. Yes, South Dakota. Evidently, people live there.
I found a picture on the web, 100% certain it was Beth. Oh look, a linkedin entry, right college, married name. NOTHING ELSE. Fine, Linked email. But at least I was on to something.

Trina
I met Trina through bet, back in the 90s when they both lived in Chicago. She was good friends with Beth, we became friends. They both moved out of Chicago. (which sounds like something CRAZY PEOPLE DO!!! Why would anyone leave Chicago???) Time and distance took the normal tolls.

Trina and I had reconnected on facebook. She was in town recently. We had sushi. MMMMMM
So of course at some point I brought this up. BOOM!
The flood gates open.
1) yes she got married
2) yes she changed her name
3) yes she had kids
4) yes she lives in SD
5) no, I dont think I have a current address or phone number. HAHAHAHA so close!!

At least now, searches were returning real info.
She worked here, she might work here now.
WTF, here is a photo of her kids on cruise in the local paper? Talking about how awesome it is to take a cruise with your family!!

NOW:
I still dont have a current address or phone number or email. UGH
But I do have an email for a possible current work.

TADA
Email to her work. Hopefully they will write back.
Otherwise I am back to cold calls/letters.

The story is NOT over yet, but I am hoping and expecting to be going to the UPS store some day SOON.

There is a lesson which was learned here.
Unless you are hiding from dangerous past, put a tiny STUB out there?
It can have 1 picture, your name, your married name and an email that you never, ever use.
So you can ignore anything and everything that goes to that email.
BUT, someone you REALLY might want to reach you might be able to find you.

People are so strange about privacy. I get it. But a tiny stub with no actual contact info could lead to so much unexpected stuff.

GAH, I would really hate to find out that the reason that she has been so hard to find is that she is in hiding from the Ukrainian mob ;-)

to be concluded once I mail the damn box!!
and it will be my good deed for the year.
I hope I am done soon, so I can go back to being evil.

-Pete