I was triggered the other day by a parent whining about their teen staying up till 5am (doing HOMEWORK) and then wanting to sleep.
The parent, of course, woke the kid up, instead of letting them sleep.
My mother did this. For an infinite number of reasons, my mother was abusive.
Stop it.
1) teens need sleep. this is when their growth hormones peak. this is when you immune system peaks and works best. This is when your brain processes memories, doing what it does.
2) dont give a FUCK about you, or how you didnt need this. this isnt about YOU. this is about you, abusing your child.
3) but (insert asshole reasons for why YOU think that you should wake the kid up, just because you are up.
4) IT IS THE FUCKING PLAGUE. Everyone is trapped in the house. Everyone is different. STOP IT.
5) (Insert asshole reasons WHY they should obey your insane rules because "scoiety". And later, when they are acting out, and you have no clue why, yup, it is YOUR FAULT.
6) Why not just beat them? No really, beat them. Get a switch or a belt. And BEAT them whenever they dont fit your tiny minded view of the universe.
Yup, this happened to me constantly, at a time when I needed sleep the most, my insane mother refused to let me fucking sleep.
Didnt matter that I had been up working until 1am then doing what teens do. GET UP YOUR LAZY ... YOU'RE NOT SICK. JSUT LAZY.
Sure, YOU are a nice parent. You would never call them LAZY. Just wake them up because REASONS.
Sure, go ahead, explain this to your shrink, the CRITICAL NEED to maintain control over every aspect of life. How THIS will get your kid into the best school ... blah blah blah blah.
PRIORITIES
OBEY
OBEY
fuck it
Sunday, April 26, 2020
Thursday, April 23, 2020
mothballing, check-pointing, thinking out-loud and the luchins trap
this is how to avoid the luchins trap
was literally just talking about THIS ... NOT the specific NA problem, but HOW do groups better share info when they no longer work in an office?
My "thought" was LUNCH, where we sit in hangout while eating lunch together and babble about the most recent strange thing that we had to research to solve.
EVEN if we dont need it today, it gets slotted into strange memory, which we will "sort of remember" later.
FOR EXAMPLE ... something that just BLEW ME AWAY ... and we should all start doing it regularly.
MothBalling / CheckpointingI had to mothball a project that I have been working on for 9 month/ 50 years. I had copious hand written notes (hand writing is FASTER than typing and can be done anywhere).
I typed them all into OneNote, Organizing them as I went, which created new thoughts on how to solve the problem better, and more notes.
When I return to the project, it is MUCH better off than yesterday.
In the end, the process was a GIANT luchins thought experiment, forcing me to question every decision that I made from the start.
HOW often have we worked on a project, PLOWING AHEAD TO GET IT DONE, only to whoops, this isnt going to work.
Checkpointing every week or month forces you to collect your thoughts and WRITE THEM DOWN. The act of doing this forms new pathways, and is insane useful.
HOW many times, has the act of asking the question "hey brian/james, how do I do this" help formulate the question: IF I can not explain the question to you, there is NO WAY that I actually understand the question.
We see this ALL of the time when trying to formulate a search question on google.
was literally just talking about THIS ... NOT the specific NA problem, but HOW do groups better share info when they no longer work in an office?
My "thought" was LUNCH, where we sit in hangout while eating lunch together and babble about the most recent strange thing that we had to research to solve.
EVEN if we dont need it today, it gets slotted into strange memory, which we will "sort of remember" later.
FOR EXAMPLE ... something that just BLEW ME AWAY ... and we should all start doing it regularly.
MothBalling / CheckpointingI had to mothball a project that I have been working on for 9 month/ 50 years. I had copious hand written notes (hand writing is FASTER than typing and can be done anywhere).
I typed them all into OneNote, Organizing them as I went, which created new thoughts on how to solve the problem better, and more notes.
When I return to the project, it is MUCH better off than yesterday.
In the end, the process was a GIANT luchins thought experiment, forcing me to question every decision that I made from the start.
HOW often have we worked on a project, PLOWING AHEAD TO GET IT DONE, only to whoops, this isnt going to work.
Checkpointing every week or month forces you to collect your thoughts and WRITE THEM DOWN. The act of doing this forms new pathways, and is insane useful.
HOW many times, has the act of asking the question "hey brian/james, how do I do this" help formulate the question: IF I can not explain the question to you, there is NO WAY that I actually understand the question.
We see this ALL of the time when trying to formulate a search question on google.
Friday, April 3, 2020
thred jacks are always threadjacks
I have boycotted him ever since his daughter's letter, despite having at the time just bought one of his movies. I found the letter credible. I never watched the film I bought. I will never watch another film of his again. We have a culture that has abused and exploited women and girls and silenced them and celebrated the abusers. We will continue to have such a culture as long as people don't take a stand.
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· Reply · 17m · Edited
Peter Cibulskis
Peter Cibulskis did you read the moses article posted above?
aka, the only older child in the room?
whose testimony ended every criminal investigation?…See More
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· Reply · 11m
Clare Pearson
Clare Pearson Peter Cibulskis There is a lot of mess around this, but I am not convinced. Woody Allen has always raised potential abuser vibes in me. Survivors mess up their recollections, but it doesn't mean abuse didn't happen. Family members can become convinced …See More
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· Reply · 6m · Edited
Peter Cibulskis
Peter Cibulskis that's great. and lies
there is no mess. there is mia farrow.
the victim had implanted memories. …See More
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· Reply · 4m
Clare Pearson
Clare Pearson Peter Cibulskis We don't know what happened to her. But I will respect her voice and give her the benefit of the doubt over him. And in my experience, crazy women don't get that way all on their own. But her mother is not the issue.
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· Reply · 3m · Edited
Peter Cibulskis
Peter Cibulskis The first article and the second article are about a specific case. you changed the topic to talk about generalities, that's nice. but belongs else where. You should have that conversation there.
Go ahead and list a point in the first article ... and why you agree or disagree. Unless your goal is whataboutism
1
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· Reply · 3m
Clare Pearson
Clare Pearson Peter Cibulskis Nope. This is a general principle for me. We CANNOT ever adjudicate a rape case based on hearsay, & we do not have the right to judge intimate violations in peoples' lives. We have to have enough humility to realize and admit that. We d…See More
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· Reply · 1m · Edited
Peter Cibulskis
Peter Cibulskis you have confused my understand of the general, with posting about the specific. I get it.
thank you for not discusing either article.
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· Reply · 1m
Clare Pearson
Clare Pearson And anything else feels to me dangerously close to mansplaining a victim's experience. Won't go there.
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· Reply · 1m
Clare Pearson
Clare Pearson Peter Cibulskis No, Peter, I am not confused. You are missing my point.
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· Reply · 17m · Edited
Peter Cibulskis
Peter Cibulskis did you read the moses article posted above?
aka, the only older child in the room?
whose testimony ended every criminal investigation?…See More
Edit or delete this
Like
· Reply · 11m
Clare Pearson
Clare Pearson Peter Cibulskis There is a lot of mess around this, but I am not convinced. Woody Allen has always raised potential abuser vibes in me. Survivors mess up their recollections, but it doesn't mean abuse didn't happen. Family members can become convinced …See More
Delete or hide this
Like
· Reply · 6m · Edited
Peter Cibulskis
Peter Cibulskis that's great. and lies
there is no mess. there is mia farrow.
the victim had implanted memories. …See More
Edit or delete this
Like
· Reply · 4m
Clare Pearson
Clare Pearson Peter Cibulskis We don't know what happened to her. But I will respect her voice and give her the benefit of the doubt over him. And in my experience, crazy women don't get that way all on their own. But her mother is not the issue.
Delete or hide this
Like
· Reply · 3m · Edited
Peter Cibulskis
Peter Cibulskis The first article and the second article are about a specific case. you changed the topic to talk about generalities, that's nice. but belongs else where. You should have that conversation there.
Go ahead and list a point in the first article ... and why you agree or disagree. Unless your goal is whataboutism
1
Edit or delete this
Like
· Reply · 3m
Clare Pearson
Clare Pearson Peter Cibulskis Nope. This is a general principle for me. We CANNOT ever adjudicate a rape case based on hearsay, & we do not have the right to judge intimate violations in peoples' lives. We have to have enough humility to realize and admit that. We d…See More
Delete or hide this
Like
· Reply · 1m · Edited
Peter Cibulskis
Peter Cibulskis you have confused my understand of the general, with posting about the specific. I get it.
thank you for not discusing either article.
Edit or delete this
Like
· Reply · 1m
Clare Pearson
Clare Pearson And anything else feels to me dangerously close to mansplaining a victim's experience. Won't go there.
Delete or hide this
Like
· Reply · 1m
Clare Pearson
Clare Pearson Peter Cibulskis No, Peter, I am not confused. You are missing my point.
recommendations
PETE LOVES TO RECOMMEND FRIDAY
It is probably one of my greatest pleasures, recommending a book to a friend, that I think that THEY will love. (NOT my favorites) For the SCIENCE NERDS on the SCIENCE of RECOMMENDING, read Stumbling on Happiness, dan gilbert.
Be warned, it will change your mind.
Nothing warms me more, than when someone says, WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME SOONER?????
Pick your favorite recommendation from me and post it here.
Could be a book or show or movie or song.
you can PM me if you are too embarrassed
You can also remind me of something that YOU introduced me to, that I would NEVER had experienced without you.
I only have a FEW of my own that come to mind.
Terry Green - The Way of Kings - Sanderson
Terry FORCED ME TO READ A BOOK, that I had bought when it came out, and left on the pile to read ... for maybe 5 years. And one day Terry said. STFU, PUT EVERYTHING DOWN, READ THIS NOW.
Terry is the only person I currently trust with this level of recommendation.
Dawn Cassello - my oldest friend. <3 I have know her, since my first class at WY. in 1978. As a transfer student who knew no one, in a class filled with upperclassmen, I was only 1-3 years younger than everyone.
I can only assume that I have Dawn to blame for Xanth, the dragonbone chair. and Amber !!
Her latest recommendation was HBO - Euphoria.
I havent finished it. I ... not sure that I want to. But ... it is close to perfect. so ending it would be sad.
Dawn - I give you, To Reign in Hell. Read the introduction by Zelazny!!!!!
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003E74AL6/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_tkin_p2_i1
Check your email
Tim (ANNNNNNNNN)
My little sister Ann recommended a book, on or about 1992.
It sat on the pile for YEARS, she actually TOOK IT BACK about 1999 to reread, and then GAVE IT BACK TO ME YELLING - READ THIS NOW, YOU WILL LOVE IT.
The book has THE WORST WORST WORST cover of all time. A chick in mail on a horse, being attacked by wolves.
It looked like crappy gothic romance, YAWN.
So, I have only reread it .... 3-4 times now, and the prequels. (some good some bad) the later ones are .... mem ... mixed
But The DEED
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00APA1E96/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
The pacing of this book is perfect. Slow slow boom.
Slow slow boom.
Slow when you are learning new things, BOOM when it gets to where it is going.
You can also remind me of something that YOU introduced me to, that I would NEVER had experienced without you.
There is a MAGIC to recommending (ok science). It is NOT about you. It is NOT about your favorite. It is about knowing someone well enough, to think that they would LIKE something.
IT is NOT about your favorite.
9001 people told me that Raiders was the best movie in the universe and I should see it now!!! YOU WILL LOVE IT. BUT, the people recommending it were DIVERSE, and none of them had similar taste, and when I finally saw it, I hated it. It was at best, a 5.
And I have been doing this all my life.
It started with trying to FORCE people to read things that I LIKED.
LOL
that never works. Ask poor Ashley Eberhart (my godaughter) I buried her in books. LOL
It is probably one of my greatest pleasures, recommending a book to a friend, that I think that THEY will love. (NOT my favorites) For the SCIENCE NERDS on the SCIENCE of RECOMMENDING, read Stumbling on Happiness, dan gilbert.
Be warned, it will change your mind.
Nothing warms me more, than when someone says, WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME SOONER?????
Pick your favorite recommendation from me and post it here.
Could be a book or show or movie or song.
you can PM me if you are too embarrassed
You can also remind me of something that YOU introduced me to, that I would NEVER had experienced without you.
I only have a FEW of my own that come to mind.
Terry Green - The Way of Kings - Sanderson
Terry FORCED ME TO READ A BOOK, that I had bought when it came out, and left on the pile to read ... for maybe 5 years. And one day Terry said. STFU, PUT EVERYTHING DOWN, READ THIS NOW.
Terry is the only person I currently trust with this level of recommendation.
Dawn Cassello - my oldest friend. <3 I have know her, since my first class at WY. in 1978. As a transfer student who knew no one, in a class filled with upperclassmen, I was only 1-3 years younger than everyone.
I can only assume that I have Dawn to blame for Xanth, the dragonbone chair. and Amber !!
Her latest recommendation was HBO - Euphoria.
I havent finished it. I ... not sure that I want to. But ... it is close to perfect. so ending it would be sad.
Dawn - I give you, To Reign in Hell. Read the introduction by Zelazny!!!!!
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003E74AL6/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_tkin_p2_i1
Check your email
Tim (ANNNNNNNNN)
My little sister Ann recommended a book, on or about 1992.
It sat on the pile for YEARS, she actually TOOK IT BACK about 1999 to reread, and then GAVE IT BACK TO ME YELLING - READ THIS NOW, YOU WILL LOVE IT.
The book has THE WORST WORST WORST cover of all time. A chick in mail on a horse, being attacked by wolves.
It looked like crappy gothic romance, YAWN.
So, I have only reread it .... 3-4 times now, and the prequels. (some good some bad) the later ones are .... mem ... mixed
But The DEED
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00APA1E96/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
The pacing of this book is perfect. Slow slow boom.
Slow slow boom.
Slow when you are learning new things, BOOM when it gets to where it is going.
You can also remind me of something that YOU introduced me to, that I would NEVER had experienced without you.
There is a MAGIC to recommending (ok science). It is NOT about you. It is NOT about your favorite. It is about knowing someone well enough, to think that they would LIKE something.
IT is NOT about your favorite.
9001 people told me that Raiders was the best movie in the universe and I should see it now!!! YOU WILL LOVE IT. BUT, the people recommending it were DIVERSE, and none of them had similar taste, and when I finally saw it, I hated it. It was at best, a 5.
And I have been doing this all my life.
It started with trying to FORCE people to read things that I LIKED.
LOL
that never works. Ask poor Ashley Eberhart (my godaughter) I buried her in books. LOL
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