No I’m not proofreading this fuck off
Hint: PHATIC words are triggering me. A lot.
Not your fault you were raised in ashitty country.
But you’re voluntarily in PeteVille right now.
0. TL;DR
If ANYTHING written here offends you in anyway, send me a written letter.
I’ll file it in the …
Leave me alone for a week or two while I recover from major surgery.
Fucking read the rest before making any contact.
I’ve turned off all notifications. Lol. And they turned themselves back on?argh
Because everyone loves being annoyed while recovering from major surgery.
- Major surgery
A tiny scar confuses people.
Cancer confuses people.
Zero pain confuses people.
Not needing help confuses people.
Ignorance about MY cancer confuses people.
These are all YOUR problems.
- A week of rest.
can’t talk
Can’t laugh
OMFG my ride from the hospital almost killed me. Lol
And then triggered me in the house by asking a question about the construction.
(So yes, ask questions while I can’t talk. That’s what I want the most right now.
Poe’s law in in effect)
- Surgery itself was trivial.
You wake up and it’s done.
Zero complications.
Details? Are you stupid or intentionally obtuse? Or worse?
Worst part?
Zero sleep. Hospitals exist to make you miserable so that you’ll leave.
Hint: when I say ZERO, this confuses most NORMS. So understand what I mean,
Tonight, don’t go to bed. Pull an all-nighter. No naps. Extra caffeine. No sleep until the NEXT night. Until you do this. Assume ZERO SLEEP. Not, tiny bits. Not it was disrupted sleep. ZERO.
Some of you fuckers confuse hyperbole and ZERO.
Let me know asap, so you can be shunned for life.
- Your concern
That’s nice. Thanks.
You know what help? Not asking me if I need help.
Not your fault that I have untreated PTSD.
Which triggered by inquiries about help.
So when you ask, you’ve done the opposite of help.
You’ve raised my BP to a billion.
My nurses were concerned about my BP before I left the hospital.
Because people would shut the fuck up and stop triggering me.
Go for it. FOFA.
You want to do something to help?
Contact Beto’s sign up and get out the vote.
Contact the one in Georgia and Tennessee and Michigan and Wisconsin and Nevada and Arizona and NC and floriDuh. Donate your time and money. That’s help.
- what’s next
No clue. Stuff.
I might be fine in a few days. Might take ten weeks.
My thyroid is gone.
My body is recovering from major surgery.
My dosage that I’d been taking for hashimotos will probably need to be changed.
No one knows. NO ONE.
- week one
Week one is taking it easy.
No talking cause none of you duckers know what to say or ask.
It’s not YOUR fault that I have PTSD.
It’s not YOUR fault that I have ADHD.
But I have two choices right now,
A. avoid clueless people and get better.
B. Go to prison for murder.
Feel free to commit suicide and send me to prison.
So you want to help?
Google how NOT to help someone with ADHD. Jessica McCabe has a hilarious video.
My PTSD? That’s gonna take find a therapist, with availability and start working on it.
I’m committed to it.
Great book on PTSD, by Dr Jain. The unbearable mind. Get it from the library. Buy a copy. Learn something.
BUT, if you trigger my PTSD I have one choice. Demand that you stop. And when you don’t then avoid you until the trigger doesn’t trigger anymore.
If this confuses you, get a goddamn therapist to explain that YOU are in the wrong.
Not me. YOU.
If this upsets YOU. That’s your problem.
- Week two
Week two
First follow up with surgeon.
Might have pathology back by then.
We’ll discuss next steps. But most of them are TIME.
Until my thyroglobulin (TG) levels and TGab (from the hashimotos, probably) calm the fuck down, there’s zero information.
TG levels are used to stage the disease. After they calm down.
What part of no one has a clue how long that takes is still confusing.
8.
When does the next step happen.
No one knows.
Some time in the next 10 weeks, we’ll meet with the endocrinologist and start drawing blood for tests.
Those tests will determine next steps and possibly staging.
Might need more scans to stage.
Might be done.
Like all cancers, there will be follow up scans to monitor before declaring:
Clear
Or
Aha, more treatments.
9.
No chemo. There is NO chemo for papillary carcinoma.
There is no NEED for chemo. There are Infiniely more efficacious treatments.
What you NORMS incorrectly call “radiation”. Radiotherapy, beams of radiation from an external source, zapped into your body.
“Radiation” is rarely ever used to treat my cancer. Late stage 3 or stage 4.
- Staging happens later
Stop fucking asking questions.
Right fucking now.
As an oversharer, you fucking KNOW that if I knew,if already tell you.
Take your adhd meds and control YOUR anxiety. (Yes I’m smiling a little at the two of you who JNOW who you are. It’s ok. Take your meds)
While my Dr hasn’t officially staged it, and that could change after the first scan,
It’s HIGHLY likely that it’s stage 1 or early stage 2.
Urgently there is zero evidence that it’s stage 2. Zero.
But there can be thyroid tissue anywhere in my body. As tissue. Or as cancer thyroid tissue. If we find that, we target it with oral or injected radioisotope of iodine. (RAI)
Which is LOL NOT “radiation”. I won’t lose my hair. Lol. Because it’s not “radiation”.
Fun fact, if I need RAI, more alone time while I’m literally giving off radiation.
(All the “cautions” are if you live with someone. LOL. )
- Long Term
Long term?
LOL
10 year survival is 99%
20 year survival is 92%
So any worry and concern of YOURS is YOUR problem.
Talk to YOUR therapist about YOUR problems
I’m fine.
12.
Recurrence
Recurrence is funny.
Well keep doing scans LOOKING for errant tissue and RAI it.
But that’s it.
In theory, once we’ve cleaned house, yawn. I’ll die of something else.
So what can you do to help?
Nothing.
Correction.
Never ask that question again.
That’s the biggest help.
13
Consequences
Sucks to be you
If you can meet my ONE NEED, you will be shunned and avoided until after I get the “clear for now”.
And if during that time, you’ve not fixed YOUR problems in therapy, well, you’re still broken. Get fucking help.
Making ME feel bad about YOUR being broken is part of my PTSD.
Step one is avoiding MY triggers.
Step two is getting treated.
People who think triggers are fun will be shunned.
That’s THEIR problem.
14
Assholes
I’m done with assholes
Every fucking one of you are assholes.
Including me.
If have ADHD.
And as soon as I get a therapist that’s what I’m going to working on.
Well my PTSD first and then dealing with Assholes
Why are YOU an asshole.
Well if you didn’t get to this sentence, you’re a giant asshole. HUGE. TRUMPIAN in size. Nothing wrong with that. But I’m voiding the stink.
NORMS are offended when they are called an asshole
NORMS demand that everyone not NORMS adhere to THEIR standards. Act like them.
Look at how NORMS have treated and abused queers since the dawn of time.
Yup NORMS are assholes.
I’m done being abused by the expectations that I must adhere to your norms.
I’ve been abused about that for 60 years. I’m done.
This upsets YOU? Have YOUR therapist explain it to you.
If they can’t find one that can explain it.
Or don’t.
I’m not here to fix your abusive behavior.
BUT, until I’m better, until I’ve been treated for how to not be angry at that abuse, well, some of you won’t be allowed to in the house. Probably ever again.
Not without a note from your therapist.
While juggling:
Cancer
PTSD
ADHD esp the anger
Well, guess what, you can help me with any of those.
When I NEED help, I’m able to say, “I need help with this”
You can say, sorry, can’t help with that.
Or you can say, ah, I can help you find a blank or blank.
But right now I’ve got three fucking HUGE TRIGGERS.
Gigantic.
Asking me phatic questions.
PITY
Asking me open ended questions after my adhd meds wore off.
(Example? Text me late at night, text me after 2pm, “hey interested in lunch tomorrow”)
You’ve now triggered me in 9006 different ways.
ADHD people can’t answer that question without our meds.
Things that YOUVE triggered.
Last minute plans make us insane.
Generic questions engage our nonexistent executive function.
Better?
I free next Tuesday, I’m going to eat pizza at roots, let me know if you’re free.
I’m think at noon. Dinner could also. Work.
15
Orange Jumpsuit
I’ve bought an orange jumpsuit and a nice shovel.
Feel free to just stop by and ring my doorbell.
People with adhd just love unexpected, undesired assholes, doing what makes THEM feel better.
You won’t feel better for long.
But I’ll get to wear my orange jumpsuit
16
Yes finding a therapist is hard.
Yes you think everyone should think like you.
Yes you think I’m wrong.
Yes it will be hard dealing with YOUR shit.
NO, you’re never figuring this out yourself. Ever
If you could have, you would have fixed your shit already.
The reason a therapist CAN help, is that they are a neutral third party.
They won’t tell you anything that you don’t already know.
But you might listen.
If you’re not listening, if you’re not fixing something, you’ve found a BAD therapist.
Might “ good” for you. But well … you’re still broken. Nothing wrong with that.
But that’s YOUR problem.
17
But Pete. You’re being an asshole TO YOUR NAME here.
Nope.
I’m not.
I’m refusing to let YOUR NAME continue to trigger me.
They’re mine.
It’s not YOUR fault.
But until I fix me, my only option is to avoid triggers.
Once again
A professional can explain this to you.
Someone else could get dragged into the middle to explain it.
We all love that. Most people just say “I’m not getting in the middle”.
That’s fair. It’s not THEIR job to fix you or me.
You need an example? Ask one of my siblings who shit till they treated me while my mom was dying and making THEM miserable about ME.
I’m not tying to make anyone feel bad.
But I’m not allowing anyone to make me feel bad.
IF I’ve made YIU feel bad,
Print this out, ask some one else to explain the part that made YOU feel bad.
If they say “Pete’s just being an asshole. Or that’s just Pete”, find someone else to ask.
They don’t understand.
Most abuse victims who’ve had some treatment for their ptsd will understand this.
Most people with an invisible disease will understand this.
Find someone with stage four endometriosis. Find some who says “oh I have endometriosis, it’s not that bad”. Now you have proper bookends.
71 minutes on my stationary bike.
Liquid breakfast is done.
Ooo maybe some tea and oatmeal.
