Zero Guidance

Zero Guidance

I have never had guidance. What some people might have called guidance was the exact opposite, orders.
I was ordered to go to the catholic grade school and endure horrific indoctrination and brainwashing.
I was ordered to complete my Confirmation, a step where I am supposed to CHOOSE to renew my vows of faith.
(When I asked if I could choose to not do this, I was ordered to do it. That day I became an atheist forever.)

I had "choice" in HS, De La Salle Catholic, St Rita Catholic, FUCK NO Tilden Public.
I picked the closest one.
I had no choice when I picked Whitney Young over Tilden for 10th-12th.
I had no guidance in HS, I picked random classes to meet the graduation requirements.

I had not college prep guidance, took at least one of the test stoned out of my mind and just missed the national merit cutoff. lol
I late admitted to college, showing up 3 weeks late, and still made the deans list freshman year. (I fixed that sophomore year!!)
I never saw a guidance counselor, ever. Randomly took computer classes. Woke up one day, took that 2nd english comp class in the summer and escaped from college.
I friend said there was job here. I went and got it.
When I left, the guy taking my job said his old job was still open, I went and got it.
When I left there, I called a friend who had left, he said come on down, I went and was hired.

Dating? lol
Most of the people that I dated asked me out, or hung around until we started dating.
And left when it was clear that I was never going to make plans. They were great!! Without them, I would never have taken those vacations, or seen those strange bands, or musicals, or ballet (oh yes, I have), or those movies, or or or or. And in strange ways, it meant that we had things in common, and I was at least minimally willing to make plans.

My first apartment was downstairs apartment from my sister, "pete, they moved out, you could move in".
My next was a random upgrade closer to work so I could walk to work.
My girlfriend found the next two places, I bought the second place when it went condo.
My current place was found by a friend, randomly looking at places in Chicago.

I have never had guidance. Ever.

...

After thoughts, and part of what drove this essay.
Remind me again how you are raising a child who will be able to be strong and assertive and do for themselves,
when EVERYTHING that they currently do is ORDERED.