Seriously, people make such a big deal out of this, for all the wrong reasons, mostly complete and total ignorance. For something which can keep you from dying from cancer (by catching it early), for something which only needs to be done every 10 years, SHUT UP AND GET TESTED!!
1) Prep - the day before
2) Prep - the day of
3) Actual Procedure
4) Recovery - later that day
5) Recovery - after that
Everyone has this absurd misunderstanding of step 3.
OMG they are going to stick a camera in my butt that is going to hurt!!!!
PANIC
Look, just because you had that one horrifying experience with anal sex, why would you assume that medicine would be the same thing??
1) Prep - the day before
Starvation 101
You are not allowed to EAT anything the day before. NOTHING. Unless you have done this before, you really dont have a basis for being HUNGRY.
Clear fluids. (not coffee, tea ok ..) You can drink 7-up (YAY SUGAR)
CLEAR frozen ice pops are ok. No dyes. At some point you will probably get a headache, be prepared!!
Look, the whole point of prep is to remove everything from your colon (your colon is your large intestine), Everything. They want a completely clear view of the intestine walls. Red dyes will obstruct that view. duh.
Step 1) you stop eating. duh. no you cant have toast, fruit, or a big mac (seriously?? HAHA)
Step 2) They give you a laxative.
This is not your, yawn, store bought laxative. This is a prescription uber-laxative. And, I can not emphasize this enough, because the instructions don't, LAXATIVE.
Reading the instructions, you will find the tiny print - THIS WILL CAUSE DIARRHEA!!
Plan on spending 4 hours in the bathroom. Seriously, buy wet wipes.
Look. Dont go outside. Seriously.
15 minutes after taking the first 1/4 dose, you will be in the bathroom.
Why did you go outside? Why did you not listen to me? LOLOLOL
Look, there is no way around this. We are talking about poop here. Except that we are not.
There are no feces at this point, it has all exploded out of you. What we are talking about it liquid. Liquid stool. Shooting out like a fire hose. For 4 hours. Plan accordingly!!
oh yes, they dont mention, the prep will make you want to vomit. resist this urge!!
2) Prep - the day of
oh god, second dose! So just when you thought you were done pooping.
You wake up and take your second dose.
This means 4 more hours in the bathroom. Seriously.
Do not plan on doing anything.
You weren't eating anyway. NO, you weren't eating, so stop eating.
(hahahaha if you eat, they cant do the procedure and you will have to do it all over again.)
Worst fear? You will get a call canceling your procedure (dr sick, etc) and they will make you go home and do this all over again in a few weeks.
HAHA HAHAH AHAH HAHA HHELLLLL NO!!!!
I asked the nurse about it, she said that it happened last week. Patients were given the option, go home and reschedule or have a different dr do the procedure. 100% had a different dr. NO ONE wants to do this again!!!
3) Actual Procedure
lube - seriously, why do you think that this would hurt? It's a small tube. They use lube. They give you awesome drugs. You barely feel anything.
Zero Pain - there was none. None at all.
Oh look, I can see my colon on TV !!
So you're in the room, you rollover and see the TV. That is the moment that you realize that you have become your own PBS special, My Colon! Did I mention that the drugs are awesome?
Hey, I did a pretty good job. Hey look, I did an awesome job during prep.
Hey! What's that?? Snip snip. Guess that was a polyp!
4) Recovery - later that day
Gas - you will have gas. LET IT GO!!
Seriously, everyone else in recovery has had the same thing that you have. Everyone else is farting.
Get over it. Nice thing? You really dont have to go to the bathroom, there is NOTHING IN THERE!! But gas. UGH
Of course, you are resistant to let it go. Because for the last 2 days you have been living in the bathroom. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. It's gas. Let it go!
So in recovery they give you the results, tell you to walk off the gas, tell you that it will take 1-4 days before you have a bowel movement. mhmmm your mileage may vary.
Zero pain. Really? Why did you think that you would be walking funny? HAHAHAH
People are so ... ignorant.
5) Recovery - after that
1-4 days?? hahaha how about 16 hours
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